Mummy Matters

When will my baby sleep all night? Will my toddler ever stop waking at five in the morning? When will he walk and talk? When will they clean their teeth? When will they tidy their rooms?

 At every stage of our children’s lives we ask, “when will they?” What we really mean is when will it get easier – for us?

Some years ago as I dropped my youngest child at the classroom door, another mother asked, “when do they ‘let go’?” This mother had a baby on her hip and a toddler clinging to her leg. Her then six year old also needed a fair dose of her mum’s support and attention.  My six year old was our youngest child – the bonus baby (the baby you have when all the others can run their own baths, tie their own shoelaces and even drive their own cars!).  I knew this mum desperately needed to hear that it would get easier, that one day she wouldn’t feel like a piece of meat with three little puppies squabbling over her. I had been there too but now that I also had teenagers, I knew all too well that it wasn’t always easier just because kids grew bigger. It seemed too patronising to say, “enjoy it while it lasts,” or, “at least you know who they are sleeping with and what they are drinking.” And if I told her that she could trust the natural processes of her children to become independent, would she believe me anyway? 

I don’t remember what I told that mum so long ago but our kids are now teenagers and recently, my son asked me if I could pick up his former classmate and a friend from a nearby station. Our kids haven’t seen each other for years but have recently met up again. His clingy little friend is now a very articulate, confident young woman. I asked the girls, “Anna where does your mum think you are?”  “At Jesses,” she replied. “Jess, where does your mum think you are?”  (Yes, you guessed), “at Anna’s.”  We have a rule that kids must call their parents if they are staying the night at our house so the girls (albeit, reluctantly) called their respective parents.

Although we wish for each stage to become easier, it isn’t easy to change or control nature’s blueprint, no matter how hard we might try, whether our kids are toddlers or teens. But we can change our own attitudes.  When my baby granddaughter was tiny, I was amazed at how easily my daughter-in-law seemed to adapt to night feeds  and broken sleep.  She told me, “I just think of the times I would have worked late then done an early next morning. I survived on less than five hours sleep then and this is much nicer.”  Another mum told me, “I’m not getting up to shovel coal, I am getting up to cuddle my baby.”

When it seems really hard, it may help to remind ourselves that we can trust nature’s plan. Babies do eventually sleep all night (honestly!) and your toddler won’t still be waking at 5am when he is fifteen (tip: a few frozen peas in the bed can be helpful on school mornings). You may have to wait a while for clean rooms - at least until they understand the value of money. If they are having friends over they may even clean the kitchen and the bathroom as well (it is embarrassing to have an untidy mother). They will clean their teeth without being reminded when they start kissing. And they will eventually let go – whether we are ready or not.

If you are feeling overwhelmed right now, take a deep breath, be still, look deeply into those dark navy blue eyes and breathe that sweet baby smell, enjoy that cheeky toddler laughter and trust – this too shall pass. It will, all too soon. I promise!