Mummy Matters

Mummy, Mum, Mama, or Mommy – what does your child call you? If he has no carers from parts of the world where children call their mother ‘Mommy’ could your child’s primary carer be a television screen?

Yes, I am having a bitch: I am feeling sad at seeing so many littlies propped in front of television (sure, it’s helpful to buy a few minutes to get dinner, feed the baby or have a shower but in my humble opinion it is downright neglectful to disengage from a child as he stares mindlessly at a screen for many hours of the day ). I am aghast at tiny tots with their own DVD players that are taken out every time the children go in the car (whatever happened to pointing out moo-cows and horsies and big trucks, or singing silly songs – in your own native accent - with little kids in cars?). Often, the child’s DVD player is taken into homes and watched as families visit (despite interesting people to see and interact with). Then there are the homes where a big screen television is blaring away in the background all day – often on a cable kids’ channel (children learn through interactive play, not passive watching that steals their train of thought as it diverts their concentration).

Even worse than small children being baby sat by television, are babies propped in front of a screen.  I can hear you arguing defensively, “but we only let our children watch educational television.” The truth is that brain pathways are laid down by responsive and loving interaction that is attuned to your baby or small child. Physical exercise is also imperative for infants to develop integrated sensory and motor skills that form foundations for later learning such as reading and writing. A big screen is not in the least responsive or attuned to a child and certainly doesn’t encourage motor skills, unless you count the junk food advertisements that may have children racing to the refrigerator.  Yet, sadly, parents and children are being exploited by clever marketing. I feel like committing an act of vandalism every time I browse bookshelves and see another DVD pack that enthuses how intelligent it will make your infant, implying that you are a neglectful mummy(or mommy!) if you deprive your child of this opportunity for educational enhancement.

I should confess –I wear the ‘total bitch’ mummy badge for acts of vandalism against television in my own home: Many years ago, we inherited my grandparents’ old black and white television when they got a brand new colour set. At first I switched on to watch playschool with my toddler. When we switched it off we made whatever had been on playschool that day – with glue, string and empty cardboard boxes ( think cars, cubbies and kites!). Then the rot set in. My husband who had grown up with television (I hadn’t) would walk in the door after work and switch on television – oblivious to our toddler.  Things got a bit ugly as the toddler tried all manner of real live drama to get Daddy’s attention.   Family therapy was in order – namely a television-ectomy.  I had a fiddle with the set until it was pretty fuzzy then told my husband that one of the dads at playgroup was a television technician and his diagnosis was ‘unfixable’. Many wonderful years of family interaction later, I admitted that a perfectly healthy TV had been taken to the local tip - by my husband himself!

Years later, my dear dad bought our poor deprived kids a new television. One night I was cooking dinner; the baby was pulling herself up on my leg and the older kids started arguing over the television. I was chopping parsley and threatened to cut the cord if they didn’t switch it off.  They did – but only momentarily. So I walked over and, with scissors in hand, snipped the cord ( without switching it off!). Fortunately the scissors had a plastic handle and thankfully my husband, who had just pulled into the driveway, didn’t call a psychiatric triage.  Once again we enjoyed a family life of communication and healthy activities like bike rides and evening walks and of course lots of cardboard and glue and kites and cubbies.

I am not for a moment recommending such drastic action by parents – it’s pretty violent role-modelling for a start – but please do switch off your television more often and tune into your little ones before they start calling you “Mommy”.