I have just returned from visiting another lovely, intelligent mother who is doing a wonderful job with her baby, but is convinced she must be doing ‘everything wrong’. She feels guilty that she has messed up her baby’s early days (she hasn’t at all!);
Before you had your baby, all your friends said about your partner, “he will be a wonderful Dad!” Now though, you are wondering, where is the evidence? At first he was enthusiastic: he changed nappies and carried your baby on his big strong arms as she cried with colic, he brought you drinks when you were feeding and he threw washing in the machine. But, somehow, he has stopped helping. In fact, he has almost disappeared off the parenting scene altogether– he is working later and when he is around he doesn’t offer to help any more. He barely seems to have the energy or inclination to talk to you, let alone discuss parenting goals….
I often find myself explaining to confused mothers asking ‘what am I doing wrong?” (as they try to follow the book on their coffee table), that books that seem reasonable before you have a child are at odds with how you feel when you meet your little being.
As each mum told the group, “I have taken my toddler to the park every day this week,” I have an amazing new routine that gives me and my partner quality time”, “my baby is sleeping straight through,” the woman sitting next to me blurted, “I am wearing my husband’s underpants – I’ve had a crap week and I haven’t even done the washing!”
